Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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