i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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