I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
