we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
please come you make the beer taste better
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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