If i come over, it means nothing
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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