I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
