I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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