No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
