great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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