hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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