Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
