ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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