i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
