I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
