I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
