loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
