Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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