I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
