I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
