no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
There r osticjed everywhere
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
