Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
