What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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