Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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