dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this just has baby written all over it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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