help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think my mom watched the whole time
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
