Ambien. No doubt about it.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His hands were made for my vagina.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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