Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
