So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
