She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
