i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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