HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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