Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
