Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
