im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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