I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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