I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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