I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
cat food counts as protein by the way
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
