Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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