sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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