It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
