Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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