Someone shit on the floor
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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