omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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