ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
