I think I died a long time ago.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
high people should be assigned attendants
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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