i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
