This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Vodka?
Forever.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I didn't notice because vodka
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
