Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
