You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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