I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
