how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
