I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
