Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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