I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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