she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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