just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
