Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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