Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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