I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
