So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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