Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
