god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
