You're so nebulous sometimes
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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