i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
