You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
