I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
