The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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