the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
